At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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