just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
