My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
