I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I FOUND THE LEGS
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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