would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
