well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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