I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
