YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
