Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
