she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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