life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
