When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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