I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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