yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
