Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
