Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
