she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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