She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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