i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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