So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
