she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Randomize