I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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