In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
her vagine was all disorganized.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
