No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
cat food counts as protein by the way
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
