We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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