walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
