I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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