I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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