Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
