my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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