ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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