I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
