I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
