Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
