So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
