Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
