I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
