we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
