you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
