I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
how drunk are you?
Several
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
