I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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