Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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