I'm gonna have a badass scar
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
