He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I am one with the molecules
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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