You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i want to swaddle you in tequila
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
