Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
i've created a new STD.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
