Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
