Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
