what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
