Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
