i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
