Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
