I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
