Having a random hookup so left but love u
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
