you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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