My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
