This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
well you can't waste a boner
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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