..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
