Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
