Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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